finger print. foot print. done. maybe blog another day about the trip.

----I love Taiwan.
----I must go there again.
----Real Madrid did not lose to Deportivo.
----Photography rocks.
----Yi Hang the Photographer rocks.

Leaving for Taiwan tomorrow. Another departure.

When I flew back to China two years ago, I was crying, unwilling to cut off the connection with Crescent. I wouldn't say I loved Crescent more than ACS, but the feeling is different. I like the school immensely but I don't feel the connection. I'm not that attached to it. After all, Crescent is my alma mater, but ACS is not. I guess it is because Crescent was my first shelter after coming here, and now I'm much toughened. I don't know if I'll cry anymore, for the inevitable separation and disconnection. Every moment is memorable, at least at this time; but I'm not sure what they will turn out to be after these two years. Maybe just sheets of blank paper, emotionless.

Still have a lot of work to be done, but ignore it anyway.

Bon voyage!

Íker, Íker, lo siento. I know I am supposed to do something today, today is special, today is important. I am sorry that I spent the day with a mind in turmoil, and I did nothing for you. Not only as one of your aficiones, but as a admirer of Spain, I ought to find some people and go out to celebrate in our own ways. But I am sorry. Today has been totally spoilt, owing to the untolerable maths portfolio. I am sorry that I am writing this with bare hands and a bare mind. I am sorry that I don´t have anything presentable. I am sorry that I can´t even send you a postcard to Madrid. I shouldn´t have let all these happen. Lo siento mucho. But this must be said,
¡¡¡¡¡FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS!!!!!
Happy 26th birthday, Saint Iker.

How many roads must a boy walk down, before you call him a man?

When I look back at fives years ago when I got to know you, I understand what this means.

Iker Iker, you are our hero. This is no idolization, nor childish admiration. Look at Bernabeu, look at Spain. You have the same colour. Four years of blankness and my memories didn't die. This is called connection.

So, may all your dreams come true.


=======================
read this somewhere else, shall paste it here. its written two years ago

生日快乐，卡西小哥哥。祝你和我。
希望我们都是最幸福的孩子，心境清明，眼神澄澈，没有皱纹和灰白发丝，微笑时刻也有花开。我的眼中，孩子是和天使一样温暖可爱的名词。
曾经，曾经，我以为你就是。那些亲近关爱，那些微笑赞许，那些温柔坚定的手抚过的少年岁月，踟躇着，跳跃着，奔波着，带着阳光，带着温暖，融化了驱散了那些少年的青涩拘谨，喜悦如同马铃薯煎蛋一样纯粹简单，一缕一缕的日子摇曳流离，望向风里，有笑靥和泪花开。在心上，在眉间，你的他的，那么多人的，从来就不必分彼此的。
幸福地孩子都是梦想要作天使的，有明亮的眼睛，温暖的微笑，和洁白的羽翼，在渴望美好的有阳光和玫瑰盛开的世界里，无拘无束，自由飞翔，带清新的朝露和一地芬芳。什么时候你已经开始行使天使的守护职责了呢？那个灰色的身影，勇敢的，坚定的，默默擎起白色天地的荣耀。
他要的不多，只是对等的认可，我要的很少，只是现世的安稳，还有我们一年一年烛影星光下凝神专注的心愿，在遥远星球彼岸栖息，此岸绽放。
前日看到续约喜讯。我把他称作喜讯，是因为我觉得那是你该得的，是你想要的。今日又见辟谣新闻称一切未定，真真假假，原作不得数的。那不重要，重要的只是24岁的起点，没有阴霾。
只是低首话曾经。
如果没有看到你的成长，我不会意识到自己的岁月如何流淌。
当所有的人不再用孩子的眼光和标准来看待，我不知道那永不复返的是什么。我喜欢怀想过去，把它称之为一世的美好。
当我看到，眼中一直认为稚气的孩子臂膀上开始出现箍紧的责任；
当我听到，那个宁和坚定的年轻人说：我不再崇拜任何人；
当我想到，他用怎样熟悉曾经的微笑目光凝视迭戈·洛佩兹；
……
我知道我已经长大。不必提及那些无奈，那些失落，抬眼看就好。我看你抬起了眼，那属于自己的未来，触手可及。不放过，不错过。
我在长大。
我看到身影交错的绿茵，那个独自站立的男子，安静的凝伫纷纷扰扰，还是他自己的模样。
从什么时候开始，我们都已不再是孩子。
我的生日在遥遥的笑。是谁的模样？
感谢和快乐，赋予伊克尔。可以在某日同热血同流的队友一起纵情欢呼，可以在某日携了温婉女子的手缔结一生。
感谢和快乐，请同时也赐予我。可以有晶莹含笑的目光，静静注视，轻轻祝福，默默怀想，淡淡期待。
520，我们都快乐。
对你说。
对我说。

by yoyoL from 鹦鹉洲

(shouldn't have cried. after all today is Iker's birthday. Happy birthday dear St Iker)

I was so wordless. Their reaction was so unexpected I felt stupid about myself at first. Well it is not me who is stupid. They so tend to magnify trivial things. They so tend to exaggerate their sense of honour. And they regard others as malicious. Please if you think you have some importance can't you please ignore those words you don't like to hear? Blame others for something so unintended so harmless, oh my god, that's your so-called sense of honour. That's your pride. If you think you have pride, show your "big heart". And what they said is not totally false please. You are so proud of her and you don't see the dark side of her. You blind foolish people. Made me so ashamed of you.

Oh my god I didn't know they are so provokable--and nobody meant to provoke please. That's vanity. VANITY. With genuine pride you should be TOLERANT and FORGIVING. (Actually nobody is there for you to forgive. ) You were so disturbed because you feel inferior. Thats why you are SOOO sensitive about your weak spots. And you have the face to blame others. 呸.

P.S. And they are a sickeningly scary group of people. =S

P.S.S suddenly had this thought of quiting PS.... Disillusionment??? Scary me.

Seems that all of a sudden I began to miss a whole lot of people, a whole of lot things, and after all, I do not know what or whom I miss. Maybe gains have to be accompanied by losses. At least at home I wouldn't feel so displaced, although temporarily. I miss OX a lot. and miss Shi Yi a lot. After this year my senior will leave me and well, I have one companion less. I miss the times when I could pinch people. when I could sing Peking Opera during the recesses. when I communicated with Shi Yi with our secret gesture. when I played with mud during PE. when I was not detached nor attached to the class but enjoyed it tremendously anyway. when I could pon school as many times as I wanted. when Ping sat next to me. when I treated everybody as my younger sister or brother. when I did not have to miss anyday anything.

And now, how similar, and however how different. The same slacker, just older, three years older compared to then. Three years can make a huge difference. Okay there is no mud for me to play with, at least not in PE. And OX is far far away (He has been far far away since five years ago?) . And I have stopped dreaming about him. And Shi Yi still doesn't appear in my dreams. When I say I would like to pinch you, please just take it as a verbal threat. I won't. I simply won't. I have not practised that for three years. And three years can make a huge difference. Ping asked me if it is supposed to be good that I feel as if the old days relive. I don't know the answer. Good, or not. But this time one year less.

Back at that time there was no La Liga supporter? And it was during those days when I got to know Iker. You couln't probably imagine their astonishment when they heard that I began to follow soccer. And they thought me crazy. Well, maybe. During last year's World Cup I was posting tonnes of nonsensical messages which got them onto the edge of breaking down. Sigh, why am I mentioning these.

How I wish Crabbie would be here. One more companion. And he wouldn't be struggling so hard like now. But he chose the other track anyway.

A hand stretched out without being held tight by any other hand. An earth with millions of lights flickering but a night sky void of twinkling stars. A mirror-like window without reflecting the thoughts of the darkness. A night. A laptop. A ME.

Went to RIB today. It's actually located inside RI and RJC. Oh RJ's school building is ugly. I don't like the green colour at all. It looks conservative and off-balanced. And looking at the hostel block I suddenly had this strange feeling like a mixture of distance and familiarity. I don't know what it is, anyway it was so strange. Seems that somewhere someday I used to feel the same but I could not remember the circumstance. It's like a loss? A hint left from the past? Or some mysterious connection to a certain part of my memories? I seriously don't know. It definitely reminded me of Nanyang, but anyway, that belongs to yesterday.

And seeing Ping in RIB gave me a more strange feeling. Somehow like seeing him in Er Zhong??? Ping has seriously grown up, not the kid at all. How is it that people can change so much in merely five months' time? It's just that we have come to new schools. That's all, and people have changed. Do I appear like a stranger to those in China? I don't know if they will still take me as one of them, but does it really matter. Ping still cares about them and I seem to be rather detached. Well. I think to them I have a nonchalant teaser's attitude and behaviour. WELL.

And met some ex-schoolmates. Saw Xuxin when crossing the road and we so wanted to give each other a huge hug in the middle of the road, in front of the many threatening-looking cars! Strolled in RJ in home clothes for a while, haha. The school looked so plain, so different from my school. Even the school campus was somehow suffocating and suppressive with boredom. For neither JAE or PAE did I put RJ as one of the choices. I was so wise.

Talking about soccer I think I am still at a superficial level. Anyway I am not an experienced fan. But what soccer enchanted me is not only the technical aspect but how it is a mirror image of life. It may sound funny the way I link it to life, but this maybe because of the nature of a Libran like me. Tend to associate a lot (because of sentimentality?) So this might explain why I support RM, Valen and Barca at the same time?

P.S. Ping, don't thank me. It's just a belated birthday dinner, something I ought to do.
P.S.S I will get ZERO for my chem test. And Sir will force me to jump.

An old friend of mine turned 18 more than half a month ago. Hindered by the geographical distance in between I could not find a way to contact her, and I forget if I remembered her birthday on that day itself. Well, thinking about the past I cannot help but be nostalgic at how “romantic” I used to be. My gifts to my friends and god-sisters had been consistently poems. And for Pin Er, a poem written on pieces of letter pad with the most elegant pattern, sealed in a carefully chosen envelop, and sent to a school some kilometres away. That's how life used to be, messages being passed through countless letters, with a connection never broken. She is one of the very few people who I regard as friends. Sigh, the days during which we talked so much about HongLou seem just like the letters sent off, travelling to a destination where I cannot trace. Dear Pin Er has grown up. The young girl in my memory still remains but has somehow been transformed. Sometimes I feel that it would be something strangely heart-warming if I had not come here after all. I would be staying in boarding school just like now, but with totally different people. At night I could take a walk on the playground with my friends, and might be gazing at the night sky---- however the sky would not be so mesmerizing as the one here, the one clearer and cooler than touching the marble. I would not be able to see the edges and softness of the clouds, the same way I could not see the direction of my life. But I would still have true friends, friends who are close to my heart. Like pin er, like my god-sister.

And now, have to laugh and talk as if I had no heart.

AHHHH I think I am such a slacker!!! Since when have I got myself so slackened? Seem to be having this mental lethargy all the time, since the beginning of the years. Well, in this sense, my middle school year 3 in China has come to life again. Oh my Tian. I am going to highlight each Noun by capitalizing every first Letter, like the german People do. Just for Fun, 'cause I am slack and bored.

Sigh....it is true that stupid People do stupid Things. And stupid People regard themselves as forever correct. Stupid. Estupido.

p.s. I say this because I have discovered some stupid Beings aroung me. Wow, such a tremendous Sense of Fulfillment. XD

2/5
Bee-chan, I am your continuer.

Retsu. Quiet, soft sound uttered between the tip of the tongue and the teeth, bringing a tender sense of distant familiarity. More widely known as Unohana. An Unohana who used to cling to Ichimaru's gang, an Unohana who enjoyed treating Kira, an Unohana who laughed like crazy, an Unohana who now learns Spanish. Unohana's neighbour is Renji, and she crosses the bridge everyday to look for Ichimaru. And some 800 metres (?) away from them lives Yachiru who is greatly fond of Hitsugaya and thus who hates Aizen. She is Ichimaru's perpetually quarreling buddy. And poor Kira is left in the old place (not exactly so, though), far away from the living memories. And today during maths period Renji was teaching Deutsch while Unohana wrote something on the white board in French and Spanish. Oh Oh Unohana and Yumichika are now roommates and Yumichika declares that he/she is distracted by Unohana, which in fact is a false accusation. He/She is actually distracted by some of Unohana's tricks which are related to somebody in particular. And Ichimaru's birthday is coming very soon and she/he eats like a hamster. (So random aren'I? You can never make a good secratary out of me. Bee-chan, you are much better than me. I am a lazy captain, a doctor who only attends herself. )

And today Unohana was hitting Ichimaru's shoulders so hard she/he almost got choked with the whatever juice. Everybody says that everybody has become quieter with the only exception being no other than Unohana herself. Unohana has become so unlike Unohana she doesn't follow the anime anymore which makes Kira kind of sad and lost. Kira has been emotional since February and this Unohan can't not cure (I'm very sorry, dear). It's kind of ironic that well, Kira is left behind alone, and not in seireitei but somewhere else and Ichimaru, Abarai and Unohana are now comrades. (Such distortion of history) And Abarai is obsessed with exploring the new (?) environment and he/she tends to ask Unohana to sit in the front row during Maths. And Yumichika is mugging desperately--or Kou-ing, to sound more fashionable, while Unohana is slacking like a sloth. Ichimaru must be mugging as well.

Ok I'd better stop here. Bee-chan, how I wish you could come and see.


6/5
Went for Ichimaru's birthday dinner, was excited to see Lily and Kira. They made this NICE elixir, a mixture of all the drinks available--ice lemon tea, peach tea, spite, coke, cranberry juice, grape juice and some more, together with the leftover, and people were randomly picked to drink it.... The fish ball was enough to kill me... and the fortunate last child to receive the gift was ME! The last person was supposed to finish off the cup, and so happened to be me.... Lily added spaghetti, some weird noodle, potato chips, and some other scary stuff...OMG. Okay Ichimaru is so jealous of Unohana taichou because of the past. It shows how powerful I am. Now I have to look for some pills for my tortured stomach, sigh. But anyway had an enormously good time, really happy to see old friends together. and Ichimaru Gin is one year older (yesterday..). HAHA.

Sat in for German class today. Haven't touched German for more than one year already but still could more or less follow. I think I managed to understand 70+% of what was taught, and I could understand Senor's German now and then!

I speak southernised Pekingese, a Mixture of Chinglish+Singlish, Esrancaise and Frespanol. Genius, er?

Monsieur es el más guay.
Y Madame es aburrida.
C'est triste.

History IA is likely to be another killer. Was digging into Natl lib for sources without a specific question in mind.

what's wrong with it???

I will not go shopping here at night anymore, unless with somebody really reliable or for something worthwhile. Always have this sense of insecurity out at night, instinctively, and am sick of it. Wish that it could end forever. Go, go away. Was not very much delighted in spite of the huge fulfilment, hated to waste one hour on simply getting a cab. Trudged from Marina Square to Esplanade via Temasek Ave and Raffles Avenue, alarmed by the appearance of a gang of youngsters( maybe I was being paranoid). Randomly took a bus and alighted at Beach Road. Felt disturbed by the silence of the night and the lamplight now and then. Finally managed to book a cab. We were going along the highway and looking out of the window on your right you could see the cluster of buildings at Raffles Place staying still. We seemed to be revolving around them without an end, on that long, long road. The flickering lights gave birth to a strong sense of solitariness. Sigh, this night was not enjoyable at all. I just wanted to go home. And SJ was obviously desperate. Poor child. Should have listened to her and taken MRT but backed away anyway because of the hidden nameless fear.

Somehow looking forward to my life in university. It will be simply soothing if I ever go shopping at night again, in Paris, or in London, with Françoise, or the one of my eleven-year-long friend. To peer into the eyes of the grand night.

And today SJ was talking about cycling, and I realized that the days when the bike was our main means of transport, have all gone. So far away from us, no way to be traced. Can't believe that I haven't touch a bike for three years. Three years, as the lyrics of a song say, how many "three years" will one get in his whole course of life? Standing here, looking back, I see the shadows of six Three-Years'. And there are their shadows on my left, on my right, horizontal, vertical. There are countless "Three-Years" written all over the space, out of which only a limited amount belongs to me.

Well, forget it. Back to bikes. Bikes and old times. I can still form in my mind the picture of the street, of the school, of every detail of That Kind Of Life, which used to be mine. Now what's left. An empty street. Empty passers-by. Empty chairs and tables in the empty classroom. Empty laughter echoing baselessly in the empty playground. Empty red and blue colours of the uniform. Empty faces of my teachers. Empty memories.