Yes I really care TOO much about it.The more you care, the more awkward you are. It's like you meet a long-lost friend, and dont know how to deal with him. You try to draw you two closer to each other, but you simply dont know how to break the ice. Because you care too much, you are so unwilling to displease the other, so much so that you dare not act. When you are so much in it, you cant not see the whole picture, you cant sense what others sense, you dont know what is your next move. And you get anxious. You keep this anxiety to yourself as well. Exactly what I feel now, and I AM awkward. What are the things I really care, in this PS, and how on earth have they made me so awkard, so much not myself? This one is not to be compared to the one in the past, this one means much more to me. But this is a difficult beginning. Two months has passed and I am still aimless directionless powerless. All passive, just letting everything go on their own accord, not putting any effort to make a change. It doesnt work even if I give loads of excuses to comfort myself, because I know doubtlessly that my own attitude dominates my situation.

Now I have to question myself:
-Do you love it?
-Yes, definitely. Without compromise. Well, with desperation.
So, "it's in my hands I won't let it go", remember this? Time elapses without mercy, I don't have much time left. Let me count. There are about 14 months? How will the future be like? And how am I going to react?

How confusing. I don't know the answers, frankly speaking.

It seems I ponder too much on it, on those troublesome matters. It weighs too much to me, I just can't let go the thoughts. Every detail I subconsciously try to interpret the undertone, every instant I cant make myself neglect, I always seem to be the lonely one, cast alone by myself, because I CARE TOO MUCH, to the extent of sorrow. I am not exaggerating, or I dont mean to be exaggerating. But in fact, I may be amplifying my own feelings.

So does it mean that all the troubles are made by myself? Whoooops..

My thoughts seem so random today....Yes they are. And I am secretly and silently emotional.

PS. Do you understand this post? You say you dont understand? Tres bien. I am so glad.